Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
