We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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