I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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