Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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