that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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