There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
