So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
