There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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