This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
