he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
