He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
