he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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