Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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