Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
