There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
two words: eviction party
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
