She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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