They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
