i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I could make wine with my vomit
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
