just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
