is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
