and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
