it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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