Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
