So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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