I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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