You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
