Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
