now i know why i became what i already was.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
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The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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