woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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