Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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