What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
