We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
