Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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