Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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