She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
