and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
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Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
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I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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