I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
a search helicopter?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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