Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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