I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
