I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think my vagina is haunted
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
