I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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