does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
