I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
