in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
i think my cat just said my name.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
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