Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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