My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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