Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
