i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We were destined to go to rehab together
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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