When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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