omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
