just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
