apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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