I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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