My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Randomize
