apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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