Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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