I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
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