im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
