I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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