I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Panties = found
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
