i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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