Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
