I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
