Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
