I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
