One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
