wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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